Guest column: What if

Dr. Marissa Pei

Dear Dr. Marissa,

Why do bad things seem to happen to good people? What’s the point of living when everywhere I turn someone is being shot or hurt or abused or damaged? I try to be a good person but what’s the point … everything is more expensive, people seem to be getting more sick and crazy and I’m not having fun anymore.

—Signed, Why Bother

Dear Why Bother (temporarily),

First of all you’re not alone and this feeling of life Dis-Ease and hopelessness is on the rise. The good news is that people are beginning to question and seek solutions for it. The bad news is more and more people are reaching for outside substances or activities to try to fill that hole in the soul. I want to tread lightly here because I am not saying that pharmaceuticals don’t help but the majority of my life balance coaching clients who are on anti-anxiety and anti-depressants are still anxious and depressed and now have dangerous side effects on top of that!

What if hope can spring eternal from the inside out? What if examining some core fundamental beliefs BS (Belief Systems) one has about life can help? Einstein says the most important question a human being has to answer is, “Is the Universe Friendly or Not?” If you believe that the Universe is not friendly then it’s going to be a long-haul…always waiting for someone to hurt you or break your heart steal from you take from you, neglect abandon traumatize or put you down. It’s exhausting to walk through life in that protective “don’t hurt me or I’ll hurt you” stance. If you choose instead to believe in a Friendly Universe where everything is working out for you no matter how it looks or feels and that even pain and tragedy have silver linings with an opportunity to grow and expand in life for both individuals and our collective humankind…emphasis on kind, it can change the way you feel in that moment. It’s not easy, it’s a discipline or “blissipline” and requires focus m, but the side effects are not dangerous! What if it can be as complicated or simple as that choice? But Dr. Marissa you say, if the universe is so friendly then why are kids being shot and why are women being sexually traumatized? Ultimately I can’t give you a good reason that you will buy in to but I do know that when I see tragedy as an opportunity to address some area of darkness on the planet and move us into action to make the world a better place, I feel better than the alternative… shaking my head or fist and then resigning myself to the hopeless conclusion that world is going to hell in a hand basket so why bother.

What-if we choose to focus on proof that the Universe is Friendly…the beauty of Mother Nature, that no snowflake drop of water blade of grass or butterfly is the same, that we don’t have to control the movement of the planets, that the sun rises and sets in a beautiful way every day, that there’s more than enough food on the planet to feed every child…we just have to activate a human kindness. What if all of the bad things that have happened to us are there so we can turn around and identify and find a solution for the very thing that we went through? What if pain and tragedy are sculpting tools to chisel us into more and more beauty as individual sculptures and as a global citizens? What if I choose to believe in a Friendly Universe simply because it feels better? What if all 7.3 billion of us are here to activate our unique gifts, talents and abilities to find solutions for all of the areas of pain on the planet right now and feel good about making a difference? What if life isn’t just about making a lot of money and having a lot of nice things that make us feel good for a New York/California minute? What if tragedy illuminates our way to make a difference on the planet which makes  us feel good for more than a minute! Here’s a balance challenge if you want to start feeling better this month…start every morning by not turning on the news and sitting for a few minutes just breathing also known as meditating and then focus on eight specific things that you’re grateful for that are evidence that the Universe is friendly. The late great Dr. Wayne Dyer said five gratitudes but I’m a recovering overachiever and eight is a lucky number in Chinese, a homonym for Good Fortune.  Repeat at bedtime.  A commitment to do these little things will begin to open your eyes to the plethora of stops on the amazing joyride called your life! Try it for 21 days and let me know what happens!

Dr. Marissa, proud SB resident since 98, your personal advocate for more Hope and Happiness, and celebrity host of the 2016 Podcast of the Year Top 10 in Health Award winning show “Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa” Join Dr. Marissa at Rosie’s Dog Beach 8:30 a.m. most Saturday mornings for a moving meditation class with Balance TaiQiQong, aka Chinese Yoga. Details at